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Ed Cumming: Letter to My Pre-Fatherhood Self

The journalist and new-dad tells pre-baby him what he's in for...

Words

Ed Cumming

With Father's Day just around the corner, we asked journalist, friend of Papier, and new dad Ed Cumming what would he write in a letter to the him who was on the cusp of fatherhood, now that he's firmly entrenched in nappies, buggies and a very different sleep schedule.



Dear Past Ed,

It’s early 2020 where you are. You have the classic new-dad fear. How will this baby affect your social life? Can you go to the club with a papoose? Will the baby doze while you sip natural wine in the sunshine? How long before you can take the baby to Mykonos? Don’t worry. I won’t spoil the surprise, but trust me when I say you will be going out just as much as anyone else on earth.

Other than that, I’m afraid your worst fears will all come true. Bad luck! You will change explosive nappies in the dark at 3am. You and your wife will stare at each other, red-eyed with exhaustion, having run out of words. You will unwittingly carry vomit in your hair for many hours. 6am will seem like a lie-in. Whatever you think is the most a buggy can cost, you are wrong. You will go to startling lengths to make milk exactly the right temperature. You will spend half your time loading the car, and the rest of your time unloading the car. Like every government, you will claim not to negotiate with the small pink terrorist in your midst, and then accede to its every demand. You’ll wonder how your dad did it.

Your heart will swell. The world will have more colours. You’ll forget that anything seemed worthwhile before she came along. (Oh yes, it’s a girl. Lily.)

Yours, Ed

P.S. There’s a company you haven’t heard of called ‘Zoom’. Buy some shares.


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